


Clone

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Dethklok's Scientists - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-12
Updated: 2011-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skwisgaar decides to have himself cloned so that he can play rhythm for himself.  Because nobody else is good enough for him, of course.				<br/>Scientist-speak is fun, but also really annoying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clone

Skwisgaar was trying to follow as their live-in scientists chattered excitedly in that disjointed manner of theirs. He’d expected the answer to be a simple ‘no’, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“It’s quite complicated-“  
“But not _too_ complicated, we can easily do this for you-“  
“If you want, of course-”  
“Technology has come a long way-“  
“But of course ours is far superior-“  
“ _Far_ superior-”

“Okays! I will has to be tinking on dis, but tells me some mores. Would it be a babies, or whats? I don’t wants no stupid dildos baby, can’ts play guitar or nothinks.”

“No, no, no, we can grow him quickly-“  
“An adult in just a few months-“  
“If we take him out in time-“  
“Timing is always tricky-“  
“Yes, tricky, but we’re quite confident-“

Skwisgaar waved for them to shut up. “What woulds you be needings from me? To be doesing it, I means.”

“Oh just some blood-“  
“Just a little bit of blood-“

“Okay, thanks you! I will thinks some more. And you can’ts be telling nobodies about dis! It ams out secrets.” Skwisgaar turned and left before they could start talking again, he’d had about as much of that as he could handle at the moment. 

****

He took a whole week to decide. Actually he’d made up his mind before he even asked them, but was stalling to make absolutely sure of his decision.  
The next band practice took care of that. Playing with another version of himself, he wouldn’t have to suffer through any more weak and inferior rhythm lines. With two of him instead, Dethklok would be better than ever before.

A quick trip back down to the lab had set his plan in motion. The scientists assured him that everything would go perfectly.

“A chance of a lifetime-“  
“Our masterpiece-“  
“You won’t regret it-“  
“We’ll get right on it, start today-“  
“Right this minute...”

They were still rambling on as he walked away.  
Skwisgaar felt only the tiniest bit of guilt, he should maybe have told at least Nathan what he planned to do. Nathan was sort of in charge, after all. But it was for the best of the band, they would all see that. He was doing it for the _band_. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

****

At first he’d checked the progress weekly, but the growing humanoid shape in the cloudy blue liquid was hard to make out. He was assured that all was well, so Skwisgaar told them to let him know when it was ready. They used a lot of scientific words that he couldn’t understand, and didn’t care enough to look up.

It was amazing that the butler still hadn’t found out, that man seemed to have eyes everywhere. But he must not know, because the expected ‘let’s have a talk’ meeting had yet to materialize. And with every week his clone progressed.

****

Skwisgaar was visiting, he’d received a call informing him that the clone was nearly ready. It was time to program it.  
They wanted to know what sort of memories he wanted it to have. Apparently it wouldn’t remember his own past unless he wanted it to, that was interesting. 

One of them held up a strange helmet-like device. “We can transfer your memories directly if you want-“  
“That would be easiest-“  
“Or we can use some we have laying around from people who were questioned-“  
“We keep them for evidence but they’ll never miss a few-“  
“No, most of them are dead anyway-“  
“But we still have their memories lying around-“  
“Just lying around-“

“Shuts up!” Deciding that it would be easier if they didn’t share memories, he gave them permission to program it however they wanted.

He still couldn’t get a clear view of it (him), floating as it was. But that was no matter, he knew what it (he) looked like. He had a mirror, after all.

****

Now it was finally time, Skwisgaar was finally going to face his clone. Himself?

The scientists led him to a one-way observation window, on the other side in a small room sat a man. Skwisgaar stared in confusion. “I tink maybe you fucks up? Dat ams not me.” The man looked to be about his build (from what he could see), but far from a perfect reflection. He looked like he could be a brother or a cousin, maybe.

“No, we assure you, he’s a perfect match for your DNA-“  
“We double checked to make sure-“  
“There’s no way to predict which characteristics will show up-“  
“Yes, there’s a lot of possibilities-“  
“This was to be expected-“

“Okays, I believes you!” Maybe it was better this way, nobody would necessarily even know what he’d done. “Well, can he plays de guitars?” That was the most important thing, after all.  
There was a guitar and a small amp in the room.

“Of course he can-“  
“We played Dethklok all the time while he was growing-“  
“Knows every song-“

“Well den, makes him plays.” The guy was just sitting there, it was weird. Well, he sometimes just sat around himself, so maybe not _that_ weird.

An intercom button was pressed.  
“We’d like you to play-“  
“A song, any song-“  
“Just play something for us-“

Skwisgaar watched as the guy grabbed the guitar quickly, looking annoyed. How did he stand listening to these two all the time? But then he started playing.  
He was very good, better than anyone they’d ever tried. Almost _too_ good.

“WHAT is the meaning of this?”

Skwisgaar turned, knowing he was caught. Charles looked rather displeased. It was too late now though, he already had his clone. “He ams mine!”

Ignoring Skwisgaar for the moment, Charles turned to the scientists. “Didn’t I _expressively forbid_ you to clone the members of Dethklok?”  
For once they remained silent. Charles turned to Skwisgaar.  
“Does he have your memories? I can’t allow someone with inside knowledge of Dethklok to wander around at will.”

“No, I tells dem to jus use whatevers. Dey says there ams a lot of old ones leftovers.”

Charles turned back to the scientists. “Who was it? Whose memories did you give him? He could be a huge security threat!”

“We meant no harm-“  
“The Master asked for our help, so we did it for him-“  
“It was just one of the illegal downloaders you made an example of-“  
“He here died anyway, so we didn’t need them for evidence anymore-“

“Enough! Well he’s probably harmless, it certainly could be worse. And he plays well?”  
“Ja, pretty goods actually.”  
“It’s not too late, we can still simply eliminate him. He’s been confined, so it would be as he never even existed.”  
“I wants to keeps him!”  
“Fine, take it up with Nathan. If he’ll accept it, he can stay.” To the scientists, “Send me his file, the one you used for his memories. I’ll need it to make the arrangements if they keep him.” Charles turned and left.

****

Skwisgaar waited a couple days, wanting to catch Nathan alone. Finally he did. The others had gone off somewhere together, he wasn’t sure where. They’d invited him but he hadn’t really been listening. But Nathan hadn’t gone either, he was just watching tv. Skwisgaar sat beside him and turned the tv off.

“Hey! I was watching that!”  
“I knows, but I has to be asking you sometings.”  
“What?”  
“If I tells you dat Dethklok coulds be even betters, you woulds wants dat?”  
“Uh, of course! But I don’t really see how.”

“What if I tells you dat I has a way betters rhythm guitarist for us?”  
“You mean just replace-“  
“Ja.”  
“That’s pretty fucking cold. But yeah, I guess he could be better. Should we do an audition of just do it?”  
“Does you trusts me?”  
“About guitars? Yeah.”  
“Then we jus does it.”

Nathan stared at the blank tv screen, thinking. “They’re gonna be mad, they like him. I mean, I like him too, but if we can be better... What’s this guy of yours like?”  
“I don’ts really know actually. He ams a reallies good guitar players though.”  
Nathan turned the tv back on.

****

Once Nathan’s approval had been verified, there was a four member band meeting a few days later. Charles waited until he had at least part of their attention. “As you should know, it takes three votes to fire a band member.”  
They were paying attention now, and realized the reason for the empty seat.  
“Skwisgaar has found a guitarist that he feels if quite superior, so we’re here for you to vote on whether or not to make the change. May I have your votes?”

“He ams much betters, wouldn’ts be draggings me down. You knows I says ja.”  
Nathan nodded. “Yeah it’s hard, but I have to think about what’s best for the band. I mean, if we can be even better, then we should do it.”  
Murderface stabbed the table. “I can’t believe I’m hearing thisch! You don’t throw out a friend juscht becausche you think you’ve found schomething better! We haven’t even heard thisch guy play! I vote no!”  
Charles made a note of it. “Pickles, it seems that it’s your decision.”

“Murderface is raight, this is rally fecked up. But Nathan’s raight too. Gawd, this is rally feckin’ hard...” He slouched down in his seat, ending up about eye level with the tabletop. “I’ve been at tha tawp before, I know how hard it is ta stay there. I rally don’t wanna do it, but I think we have ta.” He sighed. “So, yes. I vote yes.”

Charles gathered his papers. “Very well then, I’ll draw up the paperwork. I hope for all of our sakes that this is the right decision.”

****

And it was done.   
Pickles had cried when they all said their goodbyes, even though that wasn’t very metal.  
Charles had arranged a room, and lectured Skwisgaar privately on the importance of looking after his creation. Now it was time.

Skwisgaar went down to collect his clone. He needed to name him, he couldn’t just all him his clone forever. Well, he didn’t have to come up with one right now.  
The guy was waiting, ready to go. Skwisgaar motioned for him to follow. “You comes wit me, does what I tells you.”  
The guy nodded and picked up the guitar, all he had.  
He could keep it, it was just a spare anyway. There were plenty of them scattered throughout the Haus.

They made their way back up in silence.  
Skwisgaar took him to the room the butler had set up. “Dis ams goings to be you’s room, okays?”  
The guy nodded.  
“Can you even talks?” A little late to be wondering that...  
He just nodded again.  
Annoyed now, Skwisgaar pointed to the bed. “Sits. We talks.”

They sat.  
“Okays, does you knows who I ams?”  
Another nod.  
“Let’s be tryings dis agian. Says mine name.”  
“Skwisgaar Skwigelf.”  
“Oh, so you really can talks, dat’s good. Does you know who you ams?”  
He appeared to be thinking about it, Skwisgaar waited.

“I thinks so? There’s lots I can’ts remembers... don’ts know why.”  
That would be because he only had partial memories taken from some guy before he died. “Maybe it comes back to you laters, ja?” But of course it wouldn’t. “Does you know why you ams here?”  
“Nots really.”  
“Well den I has good news! You ams de new rhythm guitarist for Dethklok!”  
He didn’t look thrilled. “That’s not a very funnies joke.”  
“Who ams jokesing? I ams completely serious. We gives you a while to get uses to tings, den you plays wit us.”  
“Oh.” He looked completely terrified at this news.  
“Well I leaves you alones for a whiles den! Has fun.” Skwisgaar closed the door on his way out. He needed to think of a name for that guy...

****

Skwisgaar found himself spending most of his time with his clone, who he still hadn’t named. It was strange, on the surface they hardly seemed alike at all, but he had a lot of the same mannerisms. It was almost annoying.  
They practiced guitar some, alone in the studio. The guy was very good, but Skwisgaar, with all his years of experience, was better. The guy could play all the original lead parts though, freeing Skwisgaar up to play an improved and faster lead.

Although he knew the rest of the band was curious, Skwisgaar was keeping his clone to himself until the big band practice reveal. The others hadn’t even really gotten a look at the guy yet.  
But he needed a name....  
So, dropping the guy back off at his room, Skwisgaar went to see the butler.

Charles looked up when Skwisgaar entered. “Yes?”  
“I needs to name mine guy, but I don’t knows what to be callings him.”  
“He has a name.”  
“No he doesn’t I don’t gives him one yet.”  
“Skwisgaar, he has the identity of the deceased illegal downlaoder, name and all. You can’t just rename him.”  
“He never tells me he has a names.”  
“Did you ask?”  
“No.”

Skwisgaar left. That wasn’t fair, he didn’t even get to name his own clone! Not that he’d come up with anything, but that wasn’t the point.

****

It was finally time for band practice, _real_ band practice. The guy (Skwisgaar had refused to ask him name out of principle) looked nervous, but he’d probably be alright. The other three were studying him curiously, not helping the situation.   
Skwisgaar got their attention. “Let’s jus be playings, okays? Oh, and I rewrites all de guitar parts, ams much betters now.”

And so they played.   
And played, and played, going through almost every song they had. The difference was amazing.  
They were all the same songs, only made more complex, fuller, better.

Finally they stopped, worn out.  
Pickles grabbed a towel, wiping off sweat. “Holy feck dude, thet was _incredible_!”  
“Yeah! Uh, we definitely made the right choice.” Nathan’s voice was hoarse from too much singing, making him sound even more metal.  
Even Murderface, who had voted against the change, was nodding his approval.  
They all moved to rest on the couches, as was their custom.

Skwisgaar was pleased, his clone was a hit. But of course, how could he not be?   
The guy looked worn out, but seemed afraid to just go sit on the couches with Dethklok.  
“Sits down befores you falls down.”  
“Yeah dude, cahm’an, chill. Hey, what’s yer name anyway? Skwisgaar never told us.”

He set his guitar aside and cautiously took a seat. He was stittng with Dethklok! Actually, he was _in_ Dethklok. That was still scary.  
“My name is Toki Wartooth.”

**Author's Note:**

> Think the differences make this improbable? [This article](http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/21/tech/main537380.shtml) says otherwise. (Sure it’s about cats, but close enough.) As for the rest... eh, Dethklok’s super-duper technology.


End file.
